Today's Date 11/7/09 9:51pm

The last time I wrote on this site was exactly one year ago today, and my parting words were that my brother's wedding would go smoothly...Well that was a waste of good words.  Long story short I have not spoken to my brother since my entire famliy was told by the most classless person I have ever met, "to get the Hell out" and no I'm not paraphrasing or adding for dramatic effect, someone actually told the grooms family to get the hell out of a wedding reception.  What did we do to deserve that you might ask...well my 17 year old brother brought his honor student 16year old girlfriend to the wedding.  I swear on my own soul that that is the reason we were thrown out.  The reason I mentioned that she was an honor student is because I don't want anyone to think less of her, she is a very sweet girl and did nothing wrong yet for some reason my other brother's wife threw her out of the reception even though there were 5 empty seats.  It was classless, rude, tacky... I'm sure I could find more words in the thesuarus but they would not change the fact that I haven't spoken to my brother since his wedding day.  I'm sorry for the out come of that day, and I hope my brother knows that we really do love him and miss him and not a day goes by that we don't think of him and wish things were different.  Brief Note: for those that think we should grow up and overcome this stupid issue, You're right and we (my mom, dad, grandmother, sister, etc.) have tried everytime I see my brother I wave and honk my horn, he pretends that he does not see me or know who I am But I drive an orange car (trust me it leaves an impression).

This week my sister is getting married on November 14...we joke with her fiance about getting kicked out of the wedding but John (her fiance) was there that day and he knows how that killed my mother she was always very close to my brother.  And as the day draws near the jokes have lessoned.  Tomorrow is the official one year anniversary of my brothers wedding I truely hope they are happy, but I do miss him. 

I've been working on my toast for my sister's wedding (I'm the maid of honor) and I have never been more nervous in my entire life.  I have no trouble talking, but this is a mini speech in front of 200+ people who will not yet be intoxicated.  I know I'll be fine but I still feel a little sick to my stomach at the thought.

Work has been a little stressful, People keep telling me how good I am and that makes me feel really good however the promotion is taking it's sweet ole time mean while I have a boss who looks and when she doesn't get her way acts like a 12 year old (not an exageration).  Some times I have to hold her hand but sometimes she does quite well on her own.  Mainly she misses the big picture our job is not just two fold, more like twenty fold there are two main parts that are then broken down into much littler parts.  I love what I do but some days it can be a handful;  I'm just stressed I needed this vacation that I'm on right now.  9 days off work is the longest I have ever been off work in my entire life and I've been working since I was 15...I'm 25 in case you're wondering.

The rest of my year since my brother's wedding has consisted of two things Deaths and Weddings.  Two of my cousins died this year one in February and one in March on each side of the family.  The first death in February I'm sad only because he was young and his family loved him.  He was 28 but he died of a herion overdose.  I have no sympathy for drug users (think what you will of this) I have never no will ever touch drugs I believe it is a personal choice, and although it is sad that he died considering his life style I'm not suprised.  I went to his funeral to support his family my aunt, uncle, and cousins.  I would never be so crued as to point out to them what I just wrote to you.  They have suffered enough at the loss of a son and brother, but I don't morn the loss I hardly knew him I hadn't seen him in some 5 years at my grandmother's funeral and even then we did not talk.  I do not think that I am better than he or anyone else who chooses his  life style, that is simply their decision, I wish him peace and hope that he is happier now than he was here.  The second death was in March two weeks after the first, this one I was unbelievably sad about.  She was 34 and had a rare nurological muscular disorder.  She was diagnosed at 12 and was told then she would not live to see 20.  I don't believe that she is a mrytar, but I do believe that we can learn a lot from her she never gave up she worked up till 3 months before she died she only left her job because she was laid off after 16yrs.  She never sat at home on tax payers dollars, she worked for everything.  We were very close she was like a sister to me I know she doesn't suffer now but it's still hard.  After my cousin died my family threw themselves into my sister's wedding anything we could do to keep the pain out.  My cousin lived with my grandmother up till 3 months before she died so it is especially hard on her.  I will always think about Tonya with a smile.

Also this year I dated someone new...He was a Jerk, and the sad or rather pathetic part is that I knew long before I ever gave him my number.  I guess lonely people do stupid things.  He totally used me for money, little hint I'm not rich not even close I work very hard for my money and am trying to repay college debt.  he is a jerk for taking advantage and I am an idiot for not stopping him, I'm smart and I knew better, at least I can say that I dumped him.  Totally starting to believe that there are no good guys out there for me, I know there are good guys out there just not one for me.  The hard part is getting used to the idea.

On a happier note...more or less I do get to work with some very good looking guys, unfortunatly they have girlfriends so that means back off but I can still dream.

                                  ok well I've been on here for a while and well I'm tired I haven't typed this long since my last term paper in college so good night, this is rather soothing so I'll probably write more soon